Today.

I realised the harshness of the lines on my face. I realised the darkness of the circles underneath my eyes. I realised how cold autumn feels this year. I realised how loudly the dead crunched beneath my feet on my walk to the village. I realised the comparrison of emotion between ages; and I realised that every girl my age walked past me with a boy latched to her arm like some kind of new and improved handbag. I realised that some people make me smile and some people make me cry. I realised that it's harder to hide from something, when you can't predict its movements, or its timing. I realised that I should never dye my hair black. I realised that older cars have more comfortable seating. I realised that my eyes begin to sting if you keep them open for too long in the cold air, yet there is no comfort in closing them. I realised the depth of the blackness when I shut my eyes tight. I realised the size of my bed. I realised how small it made me feel when I lay on my side. I realised that I'm not at all unnerved by sexism, but angered completely by racism and views against free sexual orientation. I realised my true height, weight, and skin colour. I realised that I wished I was different. I realised what I was not. I realised that I won't be able to paint away the scents that linger in my room. I realised that stripping the rooms carpet won't change who's walked in and out of its walls. I realised that for some reason, I'm drawn to do it anyway. I realised that its really easy to open this and write, and lose track of everything. I realised that goosebumps can forcefully claw their way up your arms, even if you do everything in your power to prevent them. I realised that today was a very very long day.

I realised that I need to stop thinking.
And I realised that I really realise too much.
Or possibly nothing at all.