And you think that the world would have slowed down.

Something happens. Something huge.
Something that you see ripple between the social circles like its some form of idle gossip, and then casually disappear as if nothing had happened at all. The crowds disperse. The scattered conversation dies. Those who heard it in passing conversation, tip their hats and depart. The cameras turn to a new story. Ears tune to the sounds of a newly formed boy band and the world, ultimately, forgets.

For me, the crowds have not dispersed. The oceans haven't been swept underneath their skyline carpets. A group of tired eyed, pale faced boys met outside a classroom today. They brought grief with their news. They told it with their eyes, because their mouths had been ductaped shut.
It all made me feel rather ill.

And now I feel a sea sickness; people 'round these parts move too fast. They change, and judge, and assume, and never contemplate what it would be like to have it effect you. They're still discussing what boys they like, or how much homework they have to do on the weekend. They don't have their priorities straight.
The world should have slowed down.
The world should have paused.
The world should have stopped that day.
At least for a second.

To let me catch my breath or something.

I'm

Proud.
Tired.
Sore.
Contented.
Even possibly happy.

But mainly just proud. :)

A rap for my sweetheart :3

Dissa Dissa Dissa!
You know I miss ya!
Gonna keep rappin' coz I love you my sis (Ya!)
Where you been at? Oh I heard you were studyin'
So I thought I'd rhyme, tell you that you're my buddy n'
I can't wait till I see you next,
Gosh Girl, I need you, it's so hard to say it in text:
Oh I'm Talkin' bout all the hard times we've been through
You know it's true, Girl, I can't live without you.
So please, lady, jump on and skype me up
Skype me up OH a SKYPE ME UP!
Coz currently I can't tell you whats down from whassuuuuuup
I got my continents confused, are you in yours or mine?
Coz baby, whats mine is yours, I'm happy to share, its fine!
So I hope hope hope and pray that you passed your test
You know, them IELTs, I'm sure you did your best.
AND YOUR BEST IS THE GREATEST
GREATER THAN GREAT
And I'm sure you are told on that day that you graduate
"Oh Baby Lady, You Be So Pretty Smart
You Got Such A Big Heart,
No one knows how to stop it, or where to start
When tellin' others how amazin' you are
Girl You A STAR!"

--- thought you should have a rap. :)

A fully grown man who is scared of the dark.
A child cooking for seven.
A lady crouched on a street corner, wondering where she dropped her faith.
A drain full of dimes, and a wishing well full of nothing.
A sentence misunderstood.
A connotation not provocative enough to initiate action.
A dress thats too big for the recipiant.
A turntable that has nothing to do with turning the tables.
A southern american accent that doesn't drawl.
A pain in your side that you just can't place.
A walk taken by elderly couples. Some hold hands. Some don't.
A long flight with no intended destination.
A crane suspended via string.
A fight with only words.
A fight without words.
A fist fight.
A bar fight.
A fight.
A...

well. nothing really.

I Wish

That the motorbike circling my streets would just go home.
I'm tired. I'd like to sleep.

Also. Note.
We need to fix the plumbing.
The stuff next to my head squeaks in the night.

Today.

I realised the harshness of the lines on my face. I realised the darkness of the circles underneath my eyes. I realised how cold autumn feels this year. I realised how loudly the dead crunched beneath my feet on my walk to the village. I realised the comparrison of emotion between ages; and I realised that every girl my age walked past me with a boy latched to her arm like some kind of new and improved handbag. I realised that some people make me smile and some people make me cry. I realised that it's harder to hide from something, when you can't predict its movements, or its timing. I realised that I should never dye my hair black. I realised that older cars have more comfortable seating. I realised that my eyes begin to sting if you keep them open for too long in the cold air, yet there is no comfort in closing them. I realised the depth of the blackness when I shut my eyes tight. I realised the size of my bed. I realised how small it made me feel when I lay on my side. I realised that I'm not at all unnerved by sexism, but angered completely by racism and views against free sexual orientation. I realised my true height, weight, and skin colour. I realised that I wished I was different. I realised what I was not. I realised that I won't be able to paint away the scents that linger in my room. I realised that stripping the rooms carpet won't change who's walked in and out of its walls. I realised that for some reason, I'm drawn to do it anyway. I realised that its really easy to open this and write, and lose track of everything. I realised that goosebumps can forcefully claw their way up your arms, even if you do everything in your power to prevent them. I realised that today was a very very long day.

I realised that I need to stop thinking.
And I realised that I really realise too much.
Or possibly nothing at all.

Elle Fitzgerald.

Spring Can Really Hang You Up The Most.

'Love seemed so sure around the new year. Now its April. Love is just a ghost.'
Random on my playlist. The lyrics first noticed in my jazz singing lesson today.

Here's a big old dose of

FUCK YOU JAZZ MUSIC. now I know why no one likes you.